I'm Selfish

I usually get up early in the morning and get ready before I get the kids up and moving. Because of this, I tend to shut down earlier in the evening. And my cranky time hits before the kids are even in bed. So, once we start the bed time process I am spent. I don't have patience for anything. I want the process to go as quickly as possible so that I don't have to think or move.

Last night was one of those cranky times for me. Both kids were wired and were goofing off. Nothing really 'wrong', but because I was so tired it all seemed to bug me. When Michael asked me to lay with him for a few minutes I yelled at him to go to bed because I was tired. My tone was terrible. I broke his heart.

If I choose to rest in bed with Michael it usually consists of a few hugs and kisses and gentle words or songs. He will usually talk about his day freely. About his friends. What he likes to do for fun. And about God. Total time actually involved... about 10 minutes.

This is Michael's way of reconnecting with me. It's not my way. But, does that make it right for me to storm off and say that I'm too tired and that I don't have the time to spend with him? I'm thinking that I need to put my selfishness aside and spend some time with my son. The worst thing that could happen is that I would fall asleep with him :)